Tuesday, July 23, 2002

Aaaarrrrgh!! I miss my comp.

Saturday's booze plans got cancelled, a colleague had free passes to TDS, but the place was shut. Next weekend hopefully.

Sunday was coool, browsed all around juna bazaar. Bought a set of 12 slides for ten bucks..u know, those outdated thingies that you can see through a view-master?
These looked like agency stuff, artworks for cola ads and vague OTC drugs. Tons of sepia-tinged specimens in an old plastic bucket right next to grotesque brass curios. Extremely out of shape models and ugly curtain print clothes. Also saw a huge brass canteen, encased in denim, shaped like a goblet, moth eaten edges, but looked pretty good. Couldn't afford it though.
Went out to dinner in the rain, felt absolutely light-headed, non-being.

Planned to sleep in Monday morning, but like most well-meant plans, managed to wake up at 7.Called up a few dozen people and made lunch engagements with half of them (this way, I won't have to cook in the day). Met up with a friend at German Bakery and chatted through the rain. About a lot of things I didn't want to talk about.
About moving on and finding meaning. About letting go and holding on.About the ego and its compatriots.
Also won a bet and a floppy hat. Small consolation.
I don't like meeting this guy, I don't like being under the spotlight. Brought back a lot of unwanted memories. I had once asked him if things turn out ok and he had said, they work out beautifully, exactly the way they should. Always had difficulty believing platitudes.

Today's been a downer, done nothing much. Just lazed around and let anxiety and worry glide into the brains.

Somebody tell me it's going to be ok. I might not believe you, but let that not stop you.