Sunday, March 28, 2004

I saw this movie today…and it was about people in love….or not…and it had a plot. Of people plotting. And they mapped the conspiracies of their lives in careful acts of random care. And tried desperately to bridge the roads of intent and act. No correlation there if you ask me. And I could do that for you. Stalk your life with dissembled nonchalance. Watch the curve of your skin. Mark it on the maps of my right brain. And shut the door on my left. I could do that.

Friday, March 26, 2004

We went to look for an apartment. And why is that so important? Because we have to live somewhere I guess. More importantly, we have to know where we live. Park Street or Lake Boulevard? North or South? House or apartment? Duplex or studio? Single or non-single? Smoking or non-smoking? And then we situate ourselves within this multi-matrix. This cacophony of planes and parameters. And dismiss from our world-view those that conform to other meanings and other matrices. Dismiss, differentiate, categorize.

Where was I? Apartments. People don’t live in houses here as much as they live in other places. Coffee shops, workplaces, bars, gyms and libraries. They don’t care about being seen, but they make sure that they are. And they carve themselves out a little bit of private space in these public spaces. An area of non-confrontation. An oasis of self. Touch-me-not and beware of dog.

Smile at all you see else they’ll wonder at the unhappiness of your private universe. Misery attracts audience, happiness is left alone. Stare no more lest you be sued for intrusion. Drive carefully, pay your taxes and wash your blinkers lest they fray.

The rules, the rules. The sea, the sea.

Monday, March 22, 2004

End of spring break, time to get back on my feet. It ended beautifully though, had a party for friends from my department. The weatherman predicted rain and cloud, but the sun played hooky and shone right into our faces. There was music (loud and Hindi), food and bonhomie and I didn't have to play hostess. People made themselves comfortable and I had a great time.

It's nice to know these people. The department is really eclectic and there are students from all over the world...N.America, Europe, Central Europe, the Middle East, South Asia, South East Asia, name it, we have it...and the things they do never fail to make me want to settle in an inconspicuous corner and fade away into obscurity. Learn languages, travel strange countries, live with people far from their understanding and strive to understand. Beautiful people they...

Me? I just want to go home sometime.

Did I mention we also watched this without subtitles?;)

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Now that I have a brand new swanky suit, I guess there are no more excuses to rely on. Write I must and rant I will...
All of today has dissipated in preparations for the 'thing' tomorrow...getting a bunch of friends over at my place to eat, drink and waste away the last day of spring break, also screening 'Sholay' to a varied set of cultural specimens (have to check on the damn DVD for subtitles, else I'll end up being one of those irritating people in the theatre that talk along with every scene worth being silent for!)...

Spring break's been beautifully enlightening, cleared away some month-old cobwebs, visited family and was away camping. Course it wasn't much of a camp...we got stormed out and had to sleep huddled in the vans, but well, no complaints. Did get a tan anyway and announced it nice and loud to other people on the east coast still suffering from the waning influences of winter's whims (Holidays always make me alliterative). I think I like Texas.

Also got an acceptance for a conference here...I am beginning to imbibe academia.Stockholm Syndrome wouldn't you say?On other fronts, have a paper due every other day from next week, have to change apartments next month and complete a whole load of paperwork before I take off to....................................................................................................

(Watch the space me dahlings;))

Friday, March 19, 2004

Love thou thy dream
All base love scorning,
Love thou the wind
And here take warning
That dreams alone can truly be,
For 'tis in dream I come to thee.

- Song, Ezra Pound ( "A Lume Spento", 1908)
The deed is done, the task nailed, the door opened and the breeze courted.
Welcome to my world:)
Site under construction, bear with the bleddy mess me hearties!

Thursday, March 18, 2004

I want to let the universe sweep over my head and drown me into claustrophobia.

Friday, March 05, 2004

I need earthing…yes, I do…nothing seems to pass through me. It enters, festers and grows. It’s like the time I accidentally took a drug overdose and I could feel every leaf in the wind rattling my veins. Now it’s the people. Under my skin. There has to be some plausible, probable escape. Too much too soon. Her and him and them and thus…

The intolerability of their lives is weighing down my spine and if this seems eerie and morbid, then maybe it is…maybe this shall not pass and maybe this is the truth…if you tell me otherwise, please provide evidence…solid, impenetrable proof…for I have lost the ability of belief at the altar of reason and daylight.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Do you remember the taste of the end of the rope? When you tether in the hope of redemption and believe that it will come?...against all odds...against all logic...turning its back to reason and praying with open eyes...?

I can taste it now...