Sunday, October 24, 2004

You can tell a lot about a person from the things they google.
My last five...

5.Schizophrenia
4.Bride and Prejudice
3. Sweet and Lowdown
2. Zuchini tomato parsley recipe
1. AAA Hilton labour dispute
It's half past three in the morning. The party just ended. I had such a good time. Dance, music, booze and boys. Care to add to that list?

Friday, October 22, 2004

But it's the mind that kills
the animal the mexicanos murmur
killing it would have been a mercy
black horse running in the dark
came thundering toward
the outstretched hands
nostrils flared at the smell
only it was knives in the hidden hands
did it pray all night for morning?

- Borderlands/ La Frontera, Gloria AnzaldĂșa

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Twenty five thousand three hundred and thirty seven conflicting views are bad for my paper, equilibrium and sanity. Trashy Hindi music, strawberry cheesecake and wine are highly recommended. Excuse me while I clean up various dustbins and incoherencies.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

I want to do something else this December, I don't know what, but I know I'd rather it be an else. Travel, wander, walk, anything but the same old thing. And then of course I want to be in Cyprus...Anybody have any viable suggestions?

Thursday, October 14, 2004

New papers, new lives! Another one breathing down my neck and I have a day and a night to cross the finish line. Final edits and it's gone 'down' from eighteen to twenty!!! What in the name of the twenty five thousand three hundred and thirty eight Gods of the Hindu pantheon do I do?

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Narcotics cannot still the tooth
That nibbles at the soul

- Emily Dickinson

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

The future and the past that must always be sieved through the present before they can be harnessed into the project of being. And in this interplay of hierarchy and conditionality, my brains stand muddled. In a hazy, unstructured, haphazard manner, it makes sense as all chaos does. It is a good book. And it claims to write about violence. And in a manner it does. Between lucid and lurid, its work is complete. And I need to be able to think about it in a manner befitting perpetrator and victim alike.

Music plays, lights shine, kettle whistles. Between my world and that, a few hundred thousand miles and some. Time, place, space, nothing matches. My anachronisms are complete.
I do not feel like doing any of the work that I HAVE to do. Distractions,distractions, that's what are needed as of the moment. Just finished watching 'Pirates of the Caribbean', Depp's a living joy. Think I'll go read now. Not that that will help to fashion any sort of active energy but it's still a better alternative to stewing and brewing into an ugly dumpling. Boredom, my only nemesis. The art of passing time. If only somebody offered a course in that, I'd take it right through my PhD.

Monday, October 11, 2004

On the road at night, it almost doesn't seem to matter which country I am in. The darkness covers, lulls and plays mellifluous ditties and neon signs. The weather was beautiful. The clouds slung low and the sun poised between a claret and a burnt sienna. I could see the long row of cars right upto the horizon and sprawling fields to either side. Sometimes, everything seems like a blessing.

And now I am back home, grading and staring. I need a drink. Kahlua, Merlot or Shiraz? What will your posion be?

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Somewhere there is a meandering sense of a particular destiny that doesn't seem to bear any relationship with actuality. Am I seeing too much or am I not seeing? The difference has blurred and merged in with the rest of the undifferentiables. All my five senses are strained to catch some sign of the signifier. The sixth unfortunately is on permanent vacation. Significance therefore must remain forever elusive. And I have papers to write and re-write, books to review and theories to analyze. No wonder I am going fey.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

I am reading. And writing. And teaching. And yet there is not enough activity to stop the doubting. What will I be when I grow up? More importantly should I be or should I grow?

Sunday, October 03, 2004

I have a kick-ass bi g-ass stereo now!!! Yay Yay Yay!!! There's music in my life all over again. Not to mention clean clothes. Yes, it was the day of chores, errands, tasks and all those things that re-insert normality into my otherwise neurotic existence. I also made parathas. Am finally getting the hang of the 'roti' thingie. Which reminds me I need to go eat them sometime soon before they rip into wheaty seems.

I'm a happy humming elf today!!! Hindi roadside tunes no less!

Playlist- Oct 3, 2004:
Gur Nal Ishq Mitha
Gustakhiyan Hai
Dil Mein Kuch Ho Raha Hai
Aika Dajiba
Chandu Ke Chacha Ne
Ae Zindagi Gale Laga Le
She Will be Loved
Harder to Breathe
When I'm Sixty-Four
Laila Laila
Dum
Fire
Ankhiyan Nu Chain Na Aave

And no there's no logic in that sequence fellas!

Friday, October 01, 2004

The talk went better than I hoped it would. The panel was interesting as was the audience. Engaging, lively, involved and appreciative. Of course, all the people that I knew being there made a big difference. And it made me think a little...about how I keep reconfiguring and reveling in my role as a debutante every single term..and about how I might not be able to pull it off for much longer...

But I like what I do and I liked what I said. My inherent dislike for disjunctive theory notwithstanding, I definitely am learning to play. Even though I don’t know all the rules yet. But I will...and of course in the manner of productive power, they’ll make new ones...
Ah well...