Friday, May 27, 2005

Did I say I would be back in better times? Note to self: Never EVER say that again! And may I remind all you wonderful folks out there that the skies may erupt any moment right now? Keep your raincoats and humour intact, never know when you may need either; both actually...

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Fitting that the nosedive should come right after the ascent. People are dying, people are leaving. Guard your lives well, they're a little fragile and the cracks sometimes stand up in bas-relief...not that I wish you that; anything but...but guard them nevertheless. I am off tomorrow and I know there will be better times. But the people I love are leaving this week and my world is a little cracked...a little. And I'm being selfish and I know this is important to them and I know it's not about me and I know this is how life moves. I know and I do not feel. And I love them. I do I do I do. Doesn't that amount to anything?

Don't take the lament too seriously, is the old whiny voice making a tentative comeback. But I don't feel so good. Will be back in better times.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Tonight I will write...an ode to satisaction...a paean to temporary utopia...a preamble to permanent dystopia...'tis true...in the words of Ethan Hawke in what will soon be an eminently forgettable movie, 'I am engineered to be slightly dissatisfied with everything around me'...and not that tonight I am completely satisfied. 'Tis more like I am wearing a permanent shrug, who cares, how does it matter and can I bloody keep what I have? And what do I have? Books, words, friends, family and sight...and yes, it is one of those times when I am tempted to call my own bluff...tonight I can write and tomorrow I will wake up...but till then, raise the glass for tonight is a rare sight.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Joyce and Uchenna won!!!
And now, after a long time, something to aspire to...

A Story

Monday, May 09, 2005

I am writing in new places, which is why this baby here is receiving secondhand treatment. But I'm back for a bit and I much prefer this space anyway. That other is but an empty exercise of a pretend ego. And I can't wait to get done with this semester, go home and come back for the summer. Life is slowly but surely beginning to pose critical questions all over again, the academic vacation is at an ebb. I have enjoyed this and am very much at the beginning of all the places that I need to go, but the ambiguity needs to be put to rest, soon.

And things, as I have always maintained, change...

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

If words were co-terminus with meaning...would I ever write?

Monday, May 02, 2005

Why is working with the mind valued more than working with the body?
Will the answer be about power, visibility or erasure?
Will it be a natural progression or an unnatural history?

Sunday, May 01, 2005

And now, as promised, the critique...(refer below)...

And in the manner of everything else that has ever been written on this blog as also everything that will be, this is but a rant and a translation and an interpretation, all from a particular vantage point, masquerading as critique. It is in a sense, a 'reading aloud' session, tempered by voice, mood and stance.

The article is a four page diary-style entry outlining for the reader, the experience of selling-out and the process of strategic choice. Or so I garner.It is told through the narrative of the author, an aspiring writer of short stories leaving behind a spartan lifestyle to confront the possibilities of language manipulation and law school. The questions that the author puts forward are two, viz. 'how is our sense of self preserved?' and 'Is our sense of self effaced with unuse?'. The language is poignant and the placement of self in the narrative instructive. It is a very well-written account of personal angst and the project of keeping the so-called self alive, kicking and hopeful.

Instructive is of course as instructive goes. My objective is to see what can be done with the narrative. I understand polyphonicity but believe that the written word is only as transparent as the borders of the social structure that it finds itself negotiating with. This is not to subscribe to an uncritical structuralism but to call it the way I say it. Weak, dramatic and incoherent. The romanticism although temperamental, I sympathize with. What I fail to understand is the almost apologetic, passive-aggressive stance to make what is in essence a no-brainer.Yes, it is a strategic choice but I do not know what sense to make out of it outside the category of personal growth and movement. If emotion is the discursive choice,then it must at least be able to present its own possibilities. Language as a showcase I have complete empathy with, but badly performed emotion is a crime unto itself. I cannot engage with this maybe because it is not built to be engaged with. In which case I agree that the needs are mine and the article, maybe, is not designed to cater to them.

Leading then to my last few questions:
What does effacement mean? Who effaces?
What is 'self'?
What is this article meant to do?