Friday, September 30, 2005

Re-building possibilities. And not even a day after declaring the end of humanity and sanity as we have never known:). Sometimes, I have no respect for my sense of mortality; it won't even last a friggin' day!

Here are the options:
1. More funding avenues
2. Temp jobs
3. Permanent job! (what am I doing to do with a PhD anyway?)
4. Hash in the Himalayas
5. Read Ulysses end-to-end without a pause
6. Movie and bad food

How does that list look to you?

Thursday, September 29, 2005

This is not the ways things are supposed to be. And yes, I know the 'supposed to be' is an egoistic enterprise; and yes, ultimately life will self-destruct; and yes, there are troubles far worse than these...and yet...

I don't like being upset and I don't like being sorrowful and I don't like being morose. But I am. For what is ultimately so 'not worth it'! But this then is the microcosmic representation of all that can be sorrowful and not right. Of things that were never meant to be the way they are.

I hate making things bigger than they are. And I wish my friends were here and not so far away. If only K weren't so inattentive, if only Anna was around, if only I could talk to F everyday. Is this then a regression to all things pitiful and adolescent? What happened to the years inbetween?
One down...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Research proposals are dancing in my head as I write; seems like all I have been doing for the past fifteen days is write, write and write. I have a sneaking suspicion I have managed to deromanticize my own research just by writing incessantly about it. This is hard work!!! Who would have thought?

I have lost all semblance of objectivity and am ready to call the whole thing off. But of course I won't. Silly illusions of immortality.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I am in the middle of a fight to retract my will from the world. And I admit that it's much harder to retract than impose.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

This is what I am right now. And let's not get into a debate about gender alright? Cause I am about to claw the next person who asks me about radical constructivism vs. instrumental positivism!

Friday, September 02, 2005

How does one resolve a fundamental divide?

Co-existence? Tolerance? Acceptance? Acknowledgement? Incorporation?

How does one resolve outside of the position of self?

Why must one resolve?

Can I run?