Saturday, February 12, 2005

The lines of the face are eluding my senses...it is all an amorphous mess and mass, awaiting force, one way or the other. Perish or preserve, dissolve or resolve...really bad rhyme I know!

Words notwithstanding, this deserves closure. Really. The problem is that it hasn't been opened enough to close. Postmodern and ironical and strange and funny and insignificant and sad. And I haven't the heart to relegate it to sepia pictures and dog-eared albums. Yet. Much of my activity seems to concentrate on aesthetic control over the past and sensory control over the present. Feel just enough to make it pretty enough to douse in formaldehyde. My scientific origins are serving me well. Inspite of all the crummy consciousness of self and soul. All other conditions remaining constant, I will continue to run without understanding what running entails.In the long run, I am definitely dead.
Going out in a bit...work can wait...I need to ward off all these melancholic obsessions first...yesterday was an eye-opener in more ways than one, pity all the battles of my life happen when I'm not even there. Maybe that is why...

Am going to see Evam Indrajit for the second time in June. Years, lives and livelihoods have passed in between. For the better no doubt.
Just back from a friend's concert. The band was stupendous as usual, except that I have now begun to recognize the songs, which given the fact that they're in Spanish definitely makes me think I need to broaden my Friday night choices. They were good though and the lead singer is a student in the department, wonder what he's doing training to be an anthropologist! Pretty mellow otherwise, hung out in the afternoon with R and V over beer and fries, then chatted some more with R about holocausts, fiction, life and weed, hung out while he played me some music and then took off for the Flamingo Cantina...all in all, I like the look of the weekend...

On other fronts,I'm bumping into people I don't want to bump into. Tell them to stop haunting me and tell me to stop looking for them. The Greeks and Thanatos are infesting my brains...was it they that said, 'Who the Gods want to destroy, they first turn mad'?