Thursday, August 30, 2007

So I am almost tempted to believe in some sort of univeralism of desire and intent.
People want the same things? Albeit in variedly and infinitely loopy guises?
Love, validation, control, kindness...all of these, most always external.
"You shall tell me how right I am" and "You shall make me chicken soup" and "You shall tell me that my life is destined to be beautiful, bountiful and bereft of bereavement"....
And these random caps we fit on unsuspecting souls who are in turn flipping caps over their hopefuls and so on and so forth.
Gryffindor we say, Slytherin they insist.

All this sleight of hand, whew...
I need coffee.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Some days are spectacular. Words shine, pictures glimmer and the roads are rife with possibility. Action calls like it is the only course of life. Like movement is joyful and stillness a waste of muscle. I wake up and scan through my emails. Advisors have emailed, friends written in and news has filtered in that my research continues to retain a modicum of sense. The newspaper points to new avenues of explorability and business is sound. I am sound.

Wicker chairs have been cleaned and the floor squeaks with cleanliness and gaiety. The radio buzzes and mothers wave goodbye to children in the streets. The sun calls.The day wanes, but not my day. It continues to cut through the squalor with the vague sense of hope that I need but sometimes scorn. Cutting through cynicism, sense and rationale, it brushes aside my objections and relegates control to all else.
Where is it that people live? On the edge of the skin, within reach of my hand or on the borders of the world? When they wake up everyday, where is it that they want to go?

Festering, mutering, yelling, yelping, how is it that they reach out?

Once a year, I would like to be in consonance. Mind and soul in harmony with the body, the body at peace in the world. Trotting in perfect rhythm.

Today as I conducted an interview, I found myself saying all the right things. And feeling far more. Or was it less? I wanted to peep out of my skin and whisper to him that he must not tell me all this. And no, I will not abuse it, I will not betray him. But he must not. All I can do is listen.

I am a great listener, a bad translator and an insincere interlocutor. I could never own what he might want to share.

Cardinal sin. Pretence.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Shape-shifting desire.
Obscure, unknown, glimpsed and torn out of hand.
Fleeting, flying, fleeing.

Friday, August 10, 2007

I have been on vacation. And enjoyed every moment of it.

Traipsing around, eating apricots and staring at mountains.
Chatting with strangers in coffee-houses.
Walking up and down kitschy market streets.
Clapping at marmots and yaks.
Shielding eyes against light oh so bright.

Calcutta, Delhi and Ladakh.