Tuesday, October 21, 2008

One is always conscious of being excessive. And of being indiscreet. Of taking one step more than necessary.
The contained always spilling out of the container.

How does one know? The words, the actions, the resolutions.

How does one moderate the uneasy balance between the enough said and never enough?

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Two contrary emotions are at play; the pleading, needy, refreshing and refueling ambition of a younger time and the calmer, sweeter, lower baritone of a time to come. They come at me at different times of the day, like different times of the day.

What will I be?

A minor soothsayer in a minor milieu or a minor money-maker in a minor mammon. Notice the proliferation of the "m" word? Ten years ago, I wouldn't have dreamt of saying it aloud.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sharing a meal, I think to be an act of humanity that delves deep into the very factors that make society and the world around us tenable. I have grown up, knowing that my grandmother thought of her life as one filled with people coming to eat. Her family, her children, her grandchildren, my grandfather's friends. Never herself really, but that tale of female neglect I will leave for another melancholic day. My grandfather offered to feed everybody that came their way, in this was his benevolence and his humanity. My grandmother did all the work that supported his humanity. Between the two of them, they scraped and scringed, often denying themselves rest and resources in small measures to keep an open house.

Today, I was reading this...

And found it remarkably poignant, the peasant's simple act of hospitality.

Perhaps, history and the stories of people need to be told with different eyes, anecdotally, from kindnesses and considerations. Without erasing evidence of divisions and structures. But softly.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The mechanics of the day are strangely comforting. The slow measured spoonfuls of coffee I feed into the pot, the neat sections I make on the peel of the orange, the steps I can take blindfolded from the kitchen to the computer, the light of the sun.

I have made endless conversation, spewed useless advice, looked at an empty mailbox, taken the trash out, and am now sitting down. Quietly.Finally, after a very long time, I have been blessed with a deliciously evocative, rich, distance.

Monday, October 06, 2008

All these bits of many incommensurable selves that we carry within us.
Like so many doppelgangers.
All just a little bit askew.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

I want to be...

silly, meaningless, flighty, moody and utterly above all this that we know to be the ground we walk on and the life we live.

I want to be arboreal.